lundi 29 novembre 2010

Concept 5: Conflict may be expressed overtly or covertly

Now, I’m going to talk about conflict, particularly, about the way people express their disagreements to others. In fact, I am referring to the second principle of conflict, which is ``Conflict may be expressed overtly or covertly`` (p.226). That concept explains that the overt conflict is out in the open and explicit; it exists when people express their differences in a straightforward manner. They can deal with their disagreements calmly or engage in a shouting match. On the other hand, covert conflict exists when people articulate their feelings about disagreements indirectly. There are two forms of covert conflicts: passive aggression, which is acting aggressively while denying it, and games, which are highly patterned interactions where the real conflicts are hidden or denied and a fake excuse is created for arguing.

The way I understand it is that expressing conflict overtly is when someone is very upfront about what he is upset about and makes it known. Although this manner can be abrasive, it can also be easier to deal with. Those who express conflict covertly internalize it, making it more difficult to point out what’s wrong and makes it difficult to find a solution.

Why I choose to talk about this concept is that I’ve experienced covert conflict many times with some of my friends, and I found it interesting to read more about it. I often recognized that people were expressing their anger or resentment indirectly, and I think this way of doing is very bad. I think it can be more hurting to know that, for example, someone is trying to set us up for a fall than to argue directly about our disagreements. I remember once that a friend of mine have asked to another friend, who isn’t a very good dancer, to be in the front of the stage during a dance show that we were performing into. She knew that her friend was going to forget the moves but she just wanted to make her fail… and that’s what happens! At the end of the performance, she told her how much she did wrong. Personally, I think it’s very rude and I prefer to deal with overt conflict because it’s more openhearted.

I found that video of Friends TV show in which the guy is arguing with his friends about the reason why they didn’t accept his flaw. At the beginning, they discuss very calmly, but at the end, they engage in a very intense and messy discussion while everybody is talking at the same time. They express their disagreement in a direct manner. It’s a funny example of overt conflict!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwavS1gWclU&feature=related

3 commentaires:

  1. I think it can also be a matter of gender. When arguing with my girlfriends, it happens to be very often more covert style of expression. But I realized that when I am arguing with my guys friends, it is mostly overt conflict and arguments are more direct. Sometimes, I tend to express my feelings more covertly with guys, as I don't intend to be rude, but it ends up that they don't get my points. I really have to make clear statements and be espress my emotions more overtly to them, or else, it's growing in an even bigger conflict! This Friends video is not that far away from reality... funny! :P

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  2. You're right! I also feel like it's always more covert kind of conflict with my girlfriends. I think girls are usually less straightforward than guys! I like to have boyfriends because I feel like it's easier and sometimes more faithful. We know what they really think.

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