Several concepts had picked up my attention in the book of Julia T. Wood. However, I had to choose only three of them. The first I selected is the concept of particular others on page 43. This concept reveals that the self starts from outside. As related in the theory, particular others are people who are significant to us and have influence on how we see ourselves. Family members are often those who communicate the most who and what we are. One way that they are influencing us is by direct definitions. Parents and individuals who matter use direct definitions when they tell us who we are by explicitly labeling us and our behaviors.
To me, this means that our personality is modeled by what significant people communicate to us. This has a huge impact on our self-esteem trough out our life. The self starts at birth and our parents are the first individuals with whom we interact; they are a cornerstone in our development. As a child, we learn what others value in us and this obviously shapes how we see ourselves and what we value in ourselves.
This concept is related to my personal life because my mom has been and continues to be a particular other that always enhance my self-esteem. When I was a young girl, she was always responding with enthusiasm to my accomplishments. She was always telling me some positive direct definitions such as ``you’re good`` or ``you’re smart`` and making me feel like I was special and cherished. At school, she was always encouraging me and rewarding me when I had good grades. That was a great gift to me because it’s clear that those positive responses have had an impact on how I perceive myself today. I know that I am smart and that I can do something good in my life.
I also found a song that can be related to the concept of direct definitions. Alanis Morissette’s song, ``Perfect`` explain that some people receive many negative messages throughout their childhood. Those messages can demolish their sense of self-worth. If a child doesn’t feel loved and respected, he will probably have low self-expectations that they will carry over into their adult life. The lyrics show some negative messages that a mom is telling to her children.
Sometimes is never quite enough
If you´re flawless, then you´ll win my love
Don´t forget to win first place
Don´t forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You´ve got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You´ve gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn´t good enough
To make us proud
I´ll live through you
I´ll make you what I never was
If you´re the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I´m doing this for your own damn good
You´ll make up for what I blew
What´s the problem... why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn´t fast enough
To make us happy
We´ll love you just the way you are if you´re perfect
Particular others is also a concept talking to me, as I choose to explore the attachment styles in my blog! Reading your thoughts, I can recall myself how my dad has always been doing the same as your mother is doing for you. As a little girl, back in elementary school, I used to do my homework with my dad by my side. He would always be patient with me and encourage me to work harder, especially in maths. When I encountered difficulties with some math problems, he would take time to explain to me, whatever how long it would take me to understand! I never felt diminished around him as he would always encourage and compliment me when I had good grades. It surly help me to overcome many problems in my life.
RépondreSupprimerYou're right Caroline! As you know, our parent had clearly give us tools to face difficulties and to succeed in life by telling us what they value in our person and always encouraging us in the different stages of our development. Obviously, all the children don't have that chance!
RépondreSupprimerHave you ever seen the movie Little Miss Sunshine? Here's an overview of the plot from wikipedia: ''Olive learns she has qualified for the "Little Miss Sunshine" beauty contest that is being held in Redondo Beach, California in two days. Her parents and Edwin, who has been coaching her, want to support her, and Frank and Dwayne cannot be left alone, so the whole family goes. The climax takes place at the beauty pageant. After a frantic race against the clock, Olive is almost refused entrance for arriving at the hotel four minutes late. As she gets ready, the family observes her competition: slim, sexualized pre-teen girls with highly styled hair, wearing lipstick, adult-like swimsuits, and glamorous evening wear to perform highly elaborate dance, musical, and gymnastic routines with great panache. It quickly becomes apparent that Olive (plain, pale, slightly chubby, wearing large eyeglasses, and untrained in beauty pageant conventions) is not in their league. As Olive's turn to perform in the talent portion of the pageant draws near, Richard and Dwayne recognize that Olive is certain to be humiliated and, wanting to spare her feelings, run to the dressing room to talk her out of performing. Sheryl, however, insists that they "let Olive be Olive", and Olive goes on stage. She joyfully performs the dance routine that her Grandpa Edwin had secretly choreographed for her: a burlesque performance to Rick James' song "Super Freak", innocently oblivious to the scandalized and horrified reaction of the audience. The organizers are enraged and demand Sheryl and Richard remove Olive from the stage. Instead of removing her, one by one the members of the family join Olive on stage, dancing alongside her.''
RépondreSupprimerI believe this is another good exemple of how your famlily can support you and encourage you in your activities.
Very good example! We see how far parents are ready to go to encourage her daughter to follow her dream. They enhanced her self-esteem by showing support and letting her do her own thing!
RépondreSupprimerIt's kind of moving.